Been feeling like I should be put out to pasture…
Seriously, I feel like an old wreck whose parts aren’t working properly anymore and there aren’t any replacements. Every day it’s something else. Well okay, not every day, but it sometimes seems that way. I mean, after getting over the worst effects of the chemo I developed quite painful neuropathy in my feet (less so in my hands) that will only get worse as it gets colder out. And now my right foot has a new problem in the arch and it feels like I am walking on a golfball. Ouch. Oh, and then I found out I had a hernia – remember that? – which erupted a couple of weeks ago and has still not quite healed after being sliced open to drain. What else? Well, there are the regular bouts of tachycardia that nobody can explain, as well as still getting quite winded after even the slightest bit of physical exertion. And then my mammogram results were dodgy and they want me to have another one in six months. Then the other night I was watching TV and suddenly my vision went all distorted and it was like looking through a flashing prism, which scared the hell out of me but luckily only lasted about 15 minutes. And the latest thing was when I was eating a mushroom on Sunday evening and a huge chunk of my back tooth fell out. Just crumbled and fell out, like in one of those anxiety dreams, except I wasn’t dreaming. Upon further inspection I saw that both my upper back teeth are almost totally black. I mean, wtf?
All of which is compounded by averaging only about four hour’s sleep a night. I feel like I’m sleepwalking most of the time and always feel tired and achy inside. And I worry that maybe this means the cancer has come back.
So there. Rant over. It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to feel good again, you know? And at the same time I’m happy to feel even this good after the hell that was chemo. Pretty mixed up, eh?
And today I’m off for blood tests. Heigh ho…
Update on Sunny.
I think I may have created a monster …
To recap. Sunny was diagnosed as having something called feline mega colon in September, and it’s been really hit & miss trying to find the right combination of treatment for him. He still sometimes goes for days without having a bowel movement, but just when I’m ready to go through more vet trauma and take him in, he manages to go, and then we go back to waiting and watching. I know he isn’t functioning as well as he might, but I am loathe to keep bringing him back to the vet’s. I mean, he’s 16 now and the vet said the next step would be to give him an ultrasound to see if there is some sort of obstruction. But it just seems like his digestion has become very sluggish rather than being totally blocked. Meanwhile, I really do think I have created a monster. A fussy and totally spoiled pointy-eared monster who now only wants to eat when I spoon feed him…
| you are pomegranates |
You are exotic, well travelled, and well learned. You are also something of a foodie. You know how to whip up an amazing meal, and you never shy away from incorporating some seasonal ingredients. You believe in eating healthy foods, but you don’t go too overboard with it. You know that you have a leg up by doing a lot of your own cooking. So there is room in your diet for plenty of fall indulgences… you just balance them out with fresh fruits and vegetables. |
~ swiped from raincoaster ~
Today’s Photohunter theme is “veterans”.
These are my parents.
Well, I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m not actually looking for a “date” as such, but the other day my yoga buddy Flor convinced me to check out a “singles connecting” place she is a member of, saying that she and a friend of hers have met some interesting people there. And so, since I am in the process of taking my life back and expanding my horizons, I decided to give it a go. It feels a bit odd because, all things considered, I can’t honestly say I’m looking for anything “long term”, so I’ve checked the option that says I’m looking for friends. In fact, I doubt I could do this if I were actually looking for a long-term relationship – it would feel like too much pressure or something. This way it’s simply another way of meeting some new and interesting people, though of course I’m keeping an open mind. Because you never know….
Has a nice ring to it, doncha think?
[updated: 10 November with pic & new ending]
Yeah, don’t ask. It was one of those spontaneous moments. I was showing the apartment next door (yes, another tenant has flown the coop) and mentioned that I was thinking of finally seeing Inglourious Basterds as it was going to be the last week for it, and the prospective tenant said it was the best film he’d seen all year. Five minutes later one of the present tenants, Nieves, showed up at my door saying she wanted to go to the cinema with me. And five minutes after that we headed out with Nog, not even remotely suspecting we were going to end up not seeing the film and wanting to open a B&B…
Your hair – crowning glory or worst nightmare?
Mine has always been the bane of my existence. What is known in Spain as “pelo frito”. Fine and frizzy with a mind of its own and the plaything of even the slightest touch of humidity. All my life I have dreamed of having straight hair and cannot even begin to count the hours spent – nay wasted – with gels & sprays, tape, giant rollers, blowers & straighteners, hairbands & hats. All for nothing. When I was about 12 my father finally gave in to my constant pleas and paid to have my hair professionally straightened at a salon. Within a week my hair was back to its usual disagreeable self.
I longed to be one of those happy souls who could just wash their hair and go outside without further ado, or who could get caught in the rain, secure in the knowledge that they wouldn’t end up looking like they had a demented poodle sitting on their heads. In the 80s I watched in horror as women who had been blessed with the hair of my dreams got hideous perms that made them look, well, like me. Around that time I tried letting my hair dry while gelled back in a ponytail, but after its release from captivity would immediately spring back to its despised life. So in the end I just kept it gelled back and have been mostly wearing it that way for the past 25 years, except on rare days with 0% humidity or those few blessed hours immediately after having my hair cut and blow-dried to smithereens.
Yesterday was such a day. And it was soooo lovely while it lasted, that all too brief and bittersweet glimpse of what might have been…
Wow!
I was prepared to be disappointed because the trailers were so tantalising I couldn’t believe the film would be that high energy and fun all the way through … but it truly was. I won’t gush on quite as much as Dame Elizabeth, but I did think that there were moments of sheer genius. And you could also see that MJ definitely lived on another planet, to put it kindly.
I’ve never considered myself a Michael Jackson fan particularly, though I did love the Jackson 5 when I was a kid and I remember being totally blown away (along with the rest of the world) when MJ made his very dramatic “come back” on the 25 Years Of Motown special, with his amazing performance of Billy Jean. Which was also one of the highlights of This Is It. Others that I especially enjoyed were The Way You Make Me Feel (fabulous West Side Story set), Beat It and Thriller. Astounding choreography. And really, that’s what made the whole film for me. I’ve never seen anyone move quite like Michael Jackson and I already want to see this film again.
G’wan … you know you want to!
Can anyone explain to me why Facebook is worth any of my time?
And I don’t mean why you may prefer Facebook over Twitter, or that it’s easier than having a blog, etc, etc …
I would really like to know why someone like me with several blogs, a Fotki account for photo sharing, and two active Twitter accounts would require a Facebook account. I am not being facetious – I really want to know. I’ve been keeping two FB accounts running, even though I maybe only visit them a couple of times a week. Any posts from me there are auto-forwarded posts from Twitter. And I would be happy to drop both FB accounts today except people keep telling me that they are necessary to have in terms of social media stuff, especially for business purposes.
I don’t understand the difference between FB home pages, Business Pages, and Fan Pages. I hate all the stupid adolescent apps that bombard you with zoo animals, pokes, and invitations to join a mafia family. To name but a few. And recently I can’t visit my FB pages without being bombarded by auto-suggestions about people I should add as a Friend. I mean, get outta my face already with that crap.
Am I the only person who seriously dislikes Facebook?
